If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
