don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
