Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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