if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
