having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
