he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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