my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
