Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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