you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
