probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
