I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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