Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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