I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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