theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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