We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
