ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
