How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
