the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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