Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
