drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's paint friendship bongs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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