Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
