Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize