fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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