Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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