I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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