dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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