what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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