I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
