Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
