I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
