Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
