He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she told me i tasted like america
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
