I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
