seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
