she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
