Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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