this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
