is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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