I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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