well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you win again, gameday.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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