Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wear drunk well.
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