you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
