Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
