Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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