like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
