I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
