so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
