Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
