do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize