So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
