sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
