So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
