the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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