I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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