We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
