dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
