I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
