Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
