I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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