It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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