i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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