brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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