I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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