I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
