What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were destined to go to rehab together
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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