Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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