Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
