He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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