can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
