Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
