Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
