lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
