Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
