dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
