I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
