so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
