Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
