we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
