can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Green mimosas i think yes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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